Blessed to have two friends who care and love me enough to want me in the company of their support group, I have landed in their mini gathering after school on the fateful Thursday afternoon. This was an afternoon in the company of very kind and good people who shared not just faith and religion, but the same hope to give people the same support they feel and receive.
But I’d like to talk about things the gathering made me think about more than the religion that was infused into the gathering.
This session, we talked about hurt- about what hurts us, hurt us or may hurt us. And it was a discussion (very openly) about how we deal with this hurt. Someone once told me that as we grow up, we make friends and we invest in relationships, but the more we give, sometimes the harder we fall- at times, we get hurt. Each time someone or something hurts us, it’s as if we tie this knot in our hearts. It’s not exactly a knot of hatred or anger, but I’d say, one more of sadness and betrayal. The more years we get through in our lives, we tend to tie more, and more knots in our hearts. And if we don’t learn to untie these knots as we slowly move on, we grow up with an extremely extremely heavy heart.
I don’t want to grow up with a heavy heart.
But I’m still learning to untie these knots. To me, it’s a difficult thing to do because I experience (in this case, emotional) pain very deeply and I think it a lot- the more I think it, the longer it stays. And sometimes when I think of the most trivial of things that hurt me, especially when it hurt me unknowingly to the other person, I am angry that the hurt I experience feels so real, when the one who hurt is absolutely clueless. It leaves me puzzled and upset. I’m still learning to untie these knots. But to paint a silver lining just for a bit, in the recent years I’ve learned to stay away from those who have the slightest possibility of abusing the power they have to hurt me. I think that’s a start to figuring out these knots.
[…] and loving leader, and about being myself. And being sensitive by nature, attempting to untie all these knots I had tied for myself was a painful process. So one reason why I blog is because I needed an […]
[…] nomads, who tie camels to these trees in their sleep (see: The Camel Story) and the moral is that our past becomes a part of ourselves in the present, I guess this would make a classic example. And for having this pursuit shape my […]
[…] When I was Year 4, a friend extremely dear to me became increasingly distant and intentionally so. She avoided messages, shunned company and often gave cold responses to our attempts at a conversation. The hurt was real, for us (her friends) and for her. Eventually, we decided to give her the space she fought with us for – we called her out to the movies less, spent less time with her in class and let time ease the detachment. On a fateful afternoon that I still remember vividly, I had just caught “Finding Nemo in 3D” at the Cathay Cineleisure theatres with a friend. We were laughing, arms linked and I had an empty popcorn box in the other hand. The high we were in dropped to an immediate low when we found almost 50 unread messages on each of our phones from our friend. The multiple messages said the same thing – “I’m so sorry”. Our hearts dropped. The frantic hours that followed; calling everyone we knew could have been in contact with her, crying, the sense of loss and regret, and more crying are all fuzzy memories for us today. Perhaps, the height of fear so traumatic that the mind has buried it deep in our subconscious for self-care. […]
[…] When I was Year 4, a friend extremely dear to me became increasingly distant and intentionally so. She avoided messages, shunned company and often gave cold responses to our attempts at a conversation. The hurt was real, for us (her friends) and for her. Eventually, we decided to give her the space she fought with us for – we called her out to the movies less, spent less time with her in class and let time ease the detachment. On a fateful afternoon that I still remember vividly, I had just caught “Finding Nemo in 3D” at the Cathay Cineleisure theatres with a friend. We were laughing, arms linked and I had an empty popcorn box in the other hand. The high we were in dropped to an immediate low when we found almost 50 unread messages on each of our phones from our friend. The multiple messages said the same thing – “I’m so sorry”. Our hearts dropped. The frantic hours that followed; calling everyone we knew could have been in contact with her, crying, the sense of loss and regret, and more crying are all fuzzy memories for us today. Perhaps, the height of fear so traumatic that the mind has buried it deep in our subconscious for self-care. […]
[…] Now though, I can vouch for the anxiety that persists even after the series of examinations. Like a knot in our hearts, the tendency to place the worth of the years of hard work in a single result transcript is […]