I Am Deeply In Love: The Pursuit

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Have you ever looked at the birds in the sky and wondered where they are headed? Or at everyone’s hastened footsteps through the train doors and wondered where they are going? To each their own story, they say. I sometimes watch the birds and these people, making up stories for them in my head, imagining possibilities. How about you – have you ever looked at your own footsteps in life and asked yourself where you are headed? Where are you going? What is your story? They say life is a journey but how often do we ask what is the destination? The destination, not the end-point (which biologically speaking, is death). Where are we headed with our incessant busyness? Where are we going with all this accumulated wealth and experience? This piece is the last in a series of three (series begins here and follows here), telling the story of how I’ve found a purpose so true and worthwhile that I am never turning back. In this one, allow me to propose that life is a pursuit of happiness and I plead with you for patience to embark on your own journey, finding your destination. It will be worthwhile, I promise.

We are constantly in pursuit of happiness. Physically, I find myself in pursuit of buses and trains most often because of unreliable transport frequencies and commonplace delays (welcome to Sydney). Checking the transport timings on phone applications, a momentary sigh is followed by a dash to the stop or platform; between which, the input of information is followed by realising that forfeiting the pursuit would lead to undesirable consequences (i.e. an extraordinarily long wait out in the cold for the next bus or train). Hence, the pursuit. The metaphorical pursuits of our lives are no different – whether we consciously map out the information-belief-action processes of our minds, they happen over and over again to manifest in our everyday decisions. There are narratives we are building our lives upon, oftentimes without even noticing and we all seek happiness in our pursuits albeit in different ways. Follow me, let’s uncover an inkling of what your pursuit is about:

Information is all around us. There are sights and scenes that we witness every single day; from the birds in the sky to the interactions between people, everything is input. Mindfulness is a practice that trains ourselves to be present right here and right now, to be ever aware of the input that you receive. Take time to notice your breaths and ask questions about what you see, what you smell, what you hear, how you feel and what you are thinking about. Start there.

Beliefs shape how we make sense of the information. This is why even as we all seek happiness, our very ideas of happiness and what that means take such different forms. The same way amber-tinted glasses make everything look yellow, belief-tinted minds affect how information looks to us. Beliefs could surround the value of grades, money, that perfect career’, ‘that person I want to be’. Beliefs are the absolute statements we make as the springboard for our decisions, they sound like, “All people have goodness in them.”, “It is not right to be selfish.”, “Everyone can have their own moral compass.”. What is important to you in your interaction with family and friends? What absolute statements shape your relationships with money, time, grades?

Actions are the physical manifestations in every moment. Your incredible brain makes connections between information and beliefs, translating them into actions in a single instant over and over again every day. As you decide how to spend every moment of your life, the mechanics of your brain crank away at that. Consider the small actions – What do I do with the first waking moments of my day and the last? How did I spend my morning, afternoon and night? How do I walk, talk and breathe? And notice how the massive thing we call life is but a chain of many small moments as these; and who we are is the masterpiece of these beliefs and actions put together.

Who are you? Who are you, that doesn’t change even as the people around you do and as the circumstances that surround you shape shift? Who are you, when nobody else is looking and where no institutional or financial pressures bind you? Who are you and what are you pursuing?

Our pursuits sometimes detract from the destination we claim to be headed towards. Too often, the lights of our city distract us from the truly glorious and beautiful treasures of this life. We claim to pursue happiness, joy even; yet we chase after all the mistaken things. The numbers distract us from the true worth and the small talk distract us from the quiet wisdom of this world. Herein lies the problem – our pursuits are misled if we frame our destinations mistakenly. The books or music, experiences and intimacy in which we thought value was located will betray us if we trust them. The ‘good person’ I had hoped to be and the joy of service I had found pleasure in were beautiful, no doubt, but they were not the destination. The truly worthy cause was not in them; it only came through them. These things – the beauty, the memory of our own past, the dreams of our distant future – are images of what we really desire, but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower you have not found, the echo of a tune you have not heard, news from a country you have never yet visited.

I have spent a large part of my life striving to pursue what I thought to be good through the creations of the Creator rather than the Creator Himself, I have settled for the bite-sized joy from resonating in His image of goodness instead of pursuing the abundance of pleasure and joy that He promises. I am convinced in a way that I have never been before, that in our searching high and low and in our pursuing far and wide, what our hearts truly desire is the glory of God and nothing can replace Him in the God-shaped desires of our hearts. For all the days of my life, I want nothing else but to seek the Kingdom of God with my arms raised high in praise of the one who brings us life and hope. This is how it is with God’s love: when you let go of the scent and pursue the flower, let go of the echo and pursue the tune, let go of this world or its lights and pursue the One who shines the most brightly; you realise that all your life, you’ve been settling for less.

I end with the words of C.S. Lewis from his sermon “The Weight of Glory”:

If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospel, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

You might not yet know Jesus Christ or you might not even believe there is a God, much less a Christian God. You might feel like you don’t need or want there to be a God. You might even think the entire debate of religion to be irrelevant. I was there before – then, I had a life I thought was satisfying enough and I was a person good enough. I don’t know where you are in your journey and what narrative you currently subscribe to, but wherever you are, I encourage you to own that story – be first conscious of the narrative that you’re allowing to dictate your life and resolve to embark on that search for truth. Not ‘truth’ as in, ‘everyone is entitled to their own versions of’ kind of ‘truth’ (because that contradicts the very definition of ‘truth’), but ‘truth’ as in the one that remain constant before we existed and long after we’ve come to pass. Truth, as it is meant to be. Settle for nothing less than that. After all, can a life that is not lived in pursuit of truth ever bring us true happiness? Would we rather continue to lie to ourselves?

God receives you. Whoever you are, wherever you are and whatever your motives: His arms are open wide to embrace you as His child, ready to welcome you home at your single ‘yes’. It doesn’t have to be resounding or certain or assertive, my journey started from the time I whispered ‘yes’.

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Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” [Jeremiah 31:3, NLT]

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6 thoughts on “I Am Deeply In Love: The Pursuit

  1. To better understand God we must first shatter our own idea of God – maybe even day after day. Maybe he’s too great to stay compressed in the human mind. Maybe he splits it wide open; this is why pretentious intellectualism so often fails to comprehend the concept of God: it is only accepting of what it can explain while in the process finding higher sources offensive. What we may confidently assert is that faith is the opening that allows God, this unpredictable, unseen power, to travel in and out of the mind without all the pains of confusion.

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