Helplessness

Today I felt helpless. It’s a weakness I can’t quite understand completely or find a defense mechanism to, yet. The last time I felt helpless was leaving the place I tutored regularly and letting go of a responsibility I had committed to for close to a year, with all my heart and mind in that time. And another time was in June at the dumpsite visit at Cambodia, witnessing the disparity resultant from the cruelty in the lottery of life that some where some, unfortunately, lose. It’s difficult to explain it fully because the instances in which I’ve felt helpless are painful to recount explicitly, but I suppose countless times, this feeling finds it’s way to me in times I least expect and crushes me.

Somewhere in the midst of self discovery in the past few years, I have learned that the emotion that the feeling that brings me closest to complete ruins is the feeling of helplessness. It’s the one that completely consumes me inside out even if it began with the smallest tinge within me, it grows. And it triggers the most irrational thoughts, unexplainable sensations- an experience that is no less than awful. 

That’s all I had to say today, here’s music I enjoy as I return to my copy of KS Bull and appreciate the brilliance in the way my peers and seniors use their words, distracting myself.

There’s something beautiful about unoriginal music, where artists adopt pop songs and create their own renditions of the same song. Enjoy!

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