This week has been a terrible week, and I never knew I was this bad at managing farewells. In a short span of a day, I found myself back in the airport within 12 hours to send two of my favourite people in the world off. And each farewell, kept me crying for a long while. I haven’t cried this much in months, and it really hurts.
There is a fine line between a goodbye and a farewell, the latter makes it sound a little longer and it also sounds a bit more meaningful and heavy-hearted. At the same time, we overuse ‘goodbye’: everyday I say ‘goodbye’ to many people and it feels short-term, temporary. Casual. But saying farewell is a little more difficult because when we organise a farewell or when we say farewell to someone, it’s like we’re sending them off to a faraway place for a time longer than a couple of weeks, maybe months or in this case years.
Saying farewell to my sister is difficult. More than that, it’s painful. Because the pillar of support she is to me and the kind of listening ear or company she provides is irreplaceable. Her physical presence, her touch, her letting me hold hands and talk non-stop or treating me to food when she senses that I’m down, her taking me out to places that we both love or her sharing of opinions that bring me infinite insight; where shall I find a constant, everyday supply of these that I have grown so fond of? I’m so used to calling her to report my every small feeling, from someone being mean at school or something really nice happening in the day. I’m too used to knowing I can come home to a house she’s in to sit down over late night dinners talking about our day, or catching up on our weekend plans while doing house work together. There are too many memories, and so many things that I’m thankful for. This farewell is painful, but I’m thankful to have someone I love so fully and completely, someone that makes saying farewell so hard.
And here’s to the buddy that has watched me grow up day by day in the most important years of my life (thus far), that has truly shaped who I’ve become. I’m pretty sure my love for being around juniors and loving them so deeply, was something inspired from the friendship we have managed to forge in the five years. Somehow, buddy leaving, though temporarily, feels like a very deep loss that makes me immensely upset. It’s not just a loss for me, it’s a loss for all of us who’ve known her in one way or another, and I dare say, for everyone in the vicinity of where buddy would have been if she wasn’t on her way to Dubai/Boston now. The way she has taught me to smile at strangers and be nice to people, especially those I don’t know, or the way she has loved me back to completely and deeply makes this farewell very, very hard.
With two farewells of such important people concentrated into the span of 12 hours, I am overwhelmed with fear. While I was crying profusely at random spans of the day, the tears streamed with my mind completely confused and unsure of what this uncomfortable and painful feeling was. And finally, now, I think I’ve decided that it’s a bit of fear and a lot of love.