2.5 hours more before I head out to school for Chemistry CTs, and for me, this CT is the most nerve-wrecking (relative to the rest) because I’ve been going for regular consults, doing not just tutorials but revision regularly and constantly completing my TYS. It’s the kind of exam that I walk into, feeling like the results take a toll on not just myself but the people who have tutored me, my teacher who has invested more than enough in me or those who have replied my WhatsApp clarifications time and again. So today’s paper is nerve-wrecking because I take the paper to justify the time and energy spent by not just myself, but many others.
The last time I remember feeling more anxious than this was possibly Dramafeste, where my monologue was a trillion times more stressful than this 2.5 hour paper.
Times like this I remind myself to breathe slow. Years ago, I took yoga lessons with my sister in hopes to learn some relaxation techniques and adopt them later on in stressful moments as such. And my favourite one is where we simply lie on our yoga mats, close our eyes without falling asleep, place one hand on the diaphragm area and for 10 whole minutes, we watch our breath.
Breathing is a skill so ingrained in us that we do it without thinking about it, but the key to relaxation sometimes is to breathe slow and take note of every breath, to keep them regular and constant. I used to get semi-asthma attacks, the quick breaths that come in shots and you gasp for it because it’s as if the oxygen around you became that much thinner and you can’t seem to get enough. Recalling that reminds me to treasure my breaths, and watch for them.
I realise how silly this may sound, but one day when you get the butterflies in your stomach and you can’t think straight because the nerves require the concentration instead of the task, you can recall what I said about breathing and you’ll realise it does wonders.
So from now, till 330PM, while reading through my notes one last time and browsing my file, and while making my way to school then walking into wherever the exam is, then sitting at my seat waiting for “you may begin” all the way till “put your pens down and stop writing”, I’m going to be breathing.