It’s Not Easy To Be My Friend

I change my mind easily yet I always must have a plan, even if it’s a spontaneous idea I have decided to adopt, it is imperative we come up with a plan around it, minute by minute, if possible. I hate getting lost because it wastes my time, so if you bring me somewhere please know where you’re going. Actually I don’t like anything that wastes my time, so I find myself disinterested in a couple of obligations. I am emotional, very emotional and so I am fragile. If you say anything, even as a joke, if I can’t tell you’re kidding, it hurts and I’ll break. Actually even if I know it’s a joke, an overthinking nature would concoct a subconscious reason you may really mean this hurtful remark and it’ll still pierce through this very permeable membrane. My emotional shroud is not one to be messed with, I seek to understand and connect. So in every way possible, I try my best to put myself in your shoes and think of what you think and do what I suppose you’d like (there are exceptions like very tired unclear minds at night or maybe it depends on the person) I am distracted easily and I have a short attention span. I don’t like to hear people elaborate if I think I already get what you mean (because that wastes time). And as much as I care, I forget easily. Your birthday, the shade of brown your eyes are or your favourite band and artist, all that I forget yet I expect you to remember mine. It’s hard to change my mind about something because often I know what I want and what I don’t want, so it’s easy to feel like you don’t have a say in my decisions. It’s also easy to feel dispensible in my life and assume I don’t need you; and leave. Being my friend is not easy.  As an extension to what I was thinking about yesterday, today I realised that I’m a very difficult person to stay friends with or love, so I thank everyone who has stayed by my side despite how intolerable I may be. It’s very easy to walk away, but I promise if you stay, I’ll devote as much as I can into our friendship. And being my family member is even harder. I suppose so, since you’re stuck with me forever- so thanks mom, thanks dad, thanks sis, thanks bro.

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It’s hard to change my mind about something because often I know what I want and what I don’t want, so it’s easy to feel like you don’t have a say in my decisions. It’s also easy to feel dispensible in my life and assume I don’t need you; and leave. Being my friend is not easy and being my family is harder. 

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3 thoughts on “It’s Not Easy To Be My Friend

  1. Pingback: Happy Birthday PARK! | frizzyhaired|musings

  2. Pingback: Happy 17th Sarah Wong! | frizzyhaired|musings

  3. Pingback: (Still) Not Easy | frizzyhaired|musings

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