Today I want to talk about being alone; the last time I talked about being alone was with Sarah before pilates yesterday and the last time I spent time alone (properly) was the 1.5h after my sister left me at the Singapore Botanic Gardens to enjoy the Concert at the Park alone.
Let me tell you the story about how I started coming to terms with being alone. And as many stories of mine begin, this one came from OM- when I joined OM in year 2, the bunch of us communicated less and I had little qualities worthy of commanding any form of respect or any that called for people to listened to what I had to say. As a result I had to do many things alone. In many cases ever since I came to this school, I never liked the idea of having a clique per se, where you’re exclusively, exclusive because that’s close-minded and almost delusional, sometimes. And as a result of this also, I ended up doing many things alone.
Once upon a time, I associated labels like loner, ‘no friends’, antisocial, abnormal, astrocised and a whole lot of horrible things with the idea of being alone and I feared that very much. But I guess I have come to learn, and I am still learning that in many ways, we’ve to be comfortable with ourselves, who we are, with our body, with the way we carry ourselves, with our style.
There is no one else who may give you assurance better than yourself and no praise or compliment would find it’s way to feed your confidence lest YOU allow it to. And together with learning to be alone, I have started to find many joys from it. Let me name you 3:
ONE, you can be spontaneous, there is no one to answer to or account to. You may take yourself where your heart or mind brings you, or simply walk wherever your legs would like to bring you. There’s a kind of freedom. You don’t have to plan or negotiate or in any case discuss with anybody what you’re going to do next or how you’re going to do it. You just do.
TWO, having time with yourself allows you to think. We get influenced easily when we are with others, it is hard to think as clearly as can be so when I’m alone I realise I can think better- about what happened over the day or a certain conflict I’m having within. I can be completely honest with myself.
THREE, you are your own best friend. I have learned the importance of taking care of myself and if everyone else is discouraging me or stressing me out, I am the one who has to encourage myself and bring myself back on track. So treat yourself like your own best friend and love yourself.
Sometimes, I admit, I feel vulnerable and sometimes I feel lonely because the idea of being alone forever still scares me. But it’s at this point that I decide I shall count on family until I can completely come to terms with myself and being alone.