“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
― Bill Watterson
Hi, today was the first day of options (part of the school system where Year 4s get to choose courses or get thrown into courses based on your luck and have a somewhat spread out timetable with free blocks in between PE and chinese lessons and our options from 11PM onwards). Because of this ‘extra time’ that we seem to have, everyone appears to be scrambling to be the coolest things, or ‘the things I’ve always wanted to do’. It’s like a race to finish every item on the bucket list before we die, except now it’s before we leave this school.
And I dare say at least half of all this scrambling can be attributed to our fear of regret, of not doing them all before we ‘leave’. Although technically the school will still exist, and so will the people, even after the next 4 months past and our batch moves onto JC. But it appears these people and this school, the time we spend in this school only started becoming ten times more precious now, when we’re just about to leave. It’s like how we treasure the memories of a person who has migrated or who has left us ten times more than when we are actually living it out with them, or how we cherish the things we have so much more when we’ve actually lost them.
We tend to forget that we are fortunate to have everything we have now and today, because it’s harder to realise the importance of something until it’s actually gone and you have to cope with living without it. I’m not sure if this is getting a little too far-fetched from us leaving school but I guess what I’m trying to say is that we always want to make ‘the best use of our time’ but we forget to live in the moment.
It’s like we spend all day long planning what we’re going to do the next part of the day, that we forget what we’re doing then and now. So sometimes when I find myself having the time of my life with a bunch of people who love me, or having a simple meal with my family, I like to detach myself for that one moment and tell myself, ‘Shermaine, right here and now, you’re the luckiest girl in the world.’ and it multiplies my content so much just by realising the significance of the moment.
So this 4 weeks of options are probably going to fly by very quickly, even before we know it, and if we don’t learn to let go and live in the moment, even if we plan a thousand things we’re going to cramp into this 4 weeks before we leave, by the end of the 4 weeks we’d possibly forget half the things we actually did. And I don’t think that’s worth it.